


Keeping Count

by Gemini_Baby



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Has Too Many Kids, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_Baby/pseuds/Gemini_Baby
Summary: The world's greatest detective has too many kids.But does he himself know how many?That's the fic
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne and his children
Comments: 19
Kudos: 271





	Keeping Count

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of thanks to the AMAZING and AWESOME Syngaly (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syngaly/pseuds/Syngaly). Please check out her works. They are AMAZING.
> 
> Thank you so much Syn for helping me, polishing it and naming it. I love you.

The thing was Bruce had too many kids. Way too many.

And this is a fact universally acknowledged that whenever parents have more than one kid, they always never manage to call the right name of their children. 

But Bruce is not like any other parent. Because Bruce has too many kids. Like way too many. And he is getting old. Jason loves reminding him that.

Whenever he has to go to any place with his kids, he has to count them every time and make sure that he didn’t leave anyone behind.

He has to do a lot of counting for sure. When he gathers them to sit in the car, after they have sat in the car, when they are going to get out of the car, when they get out of the car and when they enter the door of their intended place. Then when he rounds them up again so that they could leave the place, he counts them, then he counts them before them getting in the car. He counts after they have gotten into the car. He counts after they get out of the car. He counts when they make it back to the manor.

Every time he asks them to line up. This is what usually happens:

_“Line up, kiddos.”_

_What, again?”_

_“Yes, again.”_

And so it continues...every time.

Tim had dubbed it going on a school picnic.

Surely, Bruce doesn’t have so many children. He doesn’t have that many that they would

be equivalent to the number of children in a class. Right? His kids are only exaggerating.

Right?

While he is busy pondering this, it escaped his notice that he has said that out loud.

And Alfred has heard him.

To say that Alfred is very unimpressed would be an understatement. A huge Understatement.

Alfred asks in the most serious tone:

“Do you know the number of your children? The actual number of your children, Master Bruce?"

He replies to him with an “Eh”. He is not sweating nervously. He is not.

“How do you know you are not forgetting any one of them every time you count them?”

“I have a shortcut for that, Alfred.”

Bruce doesn’t feel sure telling Alfred that. One should never reveal trade secrets after all.

Alfred: …

Bruce can practically hear the emphasis on the silence in Alfred’s reply.

“If the younger ones are peaceful, then one of them is definitely missing.”

Then he adds, “If Dick is happy and Jason annoyed, then we have all of them.”

Alfred looks a lot less distrusting than before.

Bruce shares his last trade secret.

“I only have to look for Cass.”

This is met with a raised eyebrow and a strange look.

“Favouritism, Master Bruce?”

“No.”

Alfred looks disbelieving so Bruce elaborates:

“She runs away with my shoes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it.
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> I read all comments and try my best to reply to all of them.


End file.
